Cool, yet inappropriate songs.

by Carmen Cruz

You know what I'm talking about. Those songs that you love to hear or sing along to, yet the lyrics themselves are either ridiculous, gross, or perverted. Here's a list of my beloved cool, naughty or awkward songs. Enjoy!



Primus ~ Wynona's Big Brown Beaver.   A perfect song to enjoy during the Calgary Stampede, si? I know a lot of people who really hate this song, while a few others (like me) love it. Watch the music video and you might love it even more. And besides, why would you dislike a song about the noble and majestic beaver?!?!?! Tee hee! ;D



King Missile ~ Detachable Penis. "I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable". A one hit wonder from King Missile. A useless, yet hilarious song. Believe it or not, lead singer John S. Hall is first and foremost, a poet. This song is... poetry? Maybe. It's funny, more than anything.

Chuck Berry ~ My Ding-A-ling. Try to not to sing along. You'll have this song stuck in your head all day. I promise.


Tiny Tim ~ Tip Toe Through The Tulips. I admit it. I love this song. Tiny Tim is so awkward and so weird & I find this incredibly endearing.  He's scary looking as hell though. Perhaps, he's a distant relative to the wicked witch of the west from the Wizard of Oz? I don't know why, but this song always makes me smile. It's silly, and awkwardly cool. Tiny Tim is the original ukelele man. Now everyone's playing the ukelele. Take Eddie Vedder for example. He has a new album out where he plays the ukelele through the entire disk. Cool. Me likey.






Snoop Dogg ft Nate Dogg, Warren G, Kurupt ~ Ain't No Fun (If The Homies Can't Have None). **This tune is NOT for the kiddies. If you're listening to this at work, put on some headphones**. I know all the lyrics to this song. I get all 'Latina gangsta' every time I hear it. I start throwing out gang signs and get my rap on. Awkward. A truly romantic tune. Tee hee!!!!







Cazwell ~ Ice Cream Truck. **Explicit Video Caution. Watch it when the boss isn't around**. Most ladies (and gay gents) should genuinely enjoy Caswell's videos. Cazwell is a rapper from the US, who is  openly gay. His tunes have a gay/ bisexual theme to them. Now if you're deeply offended by this, I apologize in advance, but at the same time, if you're ANTI-GLBT (gay/lesbian/bisexual / transgender), then you're not someone who is in my 'friends book'. I'm straight (I love the boys, hence why I love Caswell's videos) and I have many, many, MANY GLBT friends and family members who I deeply love and respect. So keep and open mind my lovelies! Caswell's tunes are ridiculously catchy. CHECK OUT THIS ONE. I'm STILL singing it all the time!!! "Get my money back, get my money back...". But what's the deal with the monkey costumes? Whatever. It's still eye candy ;D. Those boys can D-A-N-C-E!!!!


Presidents Of The United States Of America (PUSA) ~ Peaches.   
I love these guys. They're the king (or president?) of silly tunes. So what's this song about? What inspired it? Lead singer Chris Ballew said he wrote this song about a girl he once had a crush on. He supposedly wrote this song after sitting under a peach tree she had in her yard while waiting for her to arrive, to finally let her know that he liked her. Awwww. On a side note, lead singer Chris Ballew also writes music for kiddies that won't drive parents nuts! He does this under the name of 'Caspar Babypants' and has already released 3 albums. Cool. I'm not sure why, but I'm convinced that these guys would be really cool to meet.


That's it, for now....


Besos,

CC.

Calgary Stampede

by Carmen Cruz

So I'm here in Calgary, and having a heck of a time trying to find my new home. Problem is, a lot of people are not cool with having Maslow around (my dog). So frustrating! Ah well... my search        continues. Keep your fingers crossed for me!


...And how can you NOT love this face????   Awwww...........


Other than that, the Calgary Stampede is in full swing right now and wraps up this weekend. To be perfectly honest, I haven't had a chance to check out the Stampede (I've been busy looking for a home. Oh! And FYI: Rent in Calgary is MORE EXPENSIVE than Vancouver. Can you believe it?!?!?!). I've actually NEVER been to the Stampede before, so next year will be a first for me. It should be insane considering the Stampede will celebrate 100 years next year. Yup, next year will be a gong show.

One thing that always makes me stare inappropriately and awkwardly is when I see an Asian dude or a black dude in full cowboy gear. I'm not sure why, but it makes me stare and smile. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be racially insensitive, but it's an odd thing to see. Kinda like a Latino in a space suit... it's just something you'd almost never see, you know what I mean? Either way, I like it.

So on Monday, July 18th (THIS MONDAY!) I'll be starting my very first day, co hosting the morning show (6am - 10am) at X92.9 with the lovely and talented Fraser Tuff and Roger Kingkade (AKA: Gringo). Am I nervous? YESSSSS!!!! Either way, please feel free to join in and listen to my awkwardness live and online here. The station itself features WICKED modern rock music, from Pearl Jam, to U2, to Daft Punk and Tool. Nice. To add to the musical goodness, the station also boasts a 'No Nickelback Guarantee'. Thank GAD! All the staff seem super welcoming and very cool. Despite the nerves, I can't wait to get this ball rolling. Won't you join me? I hope so.


xoxoxoxo & besos,

CC.

The Enchanted Forest and Revelstoke

by Carmen Cruz

The highlight of my stop in Kamloops was this liquor store. Is it named after 42% of the young gold-digging ladies in Yaletown??? Perhaps... tee hee! ;D























So the Enchanted Forest, you ask? Yup. Check it out.





Salmon Arm was beautiful, so was the Shushwap, as a whole. I noticed that it's a great place to retire, seeing how the roads were filled with seniors. If you're looking for sexy seniors (and who isn't????) this is the place to go (ha ha!). I hit Revelstoke hours later. Nice, friendly place. I almost cried with joy when I saw a sushi place but to my dismay, at 3:30pm, it was closed. Kill me now. Ah well. Instead, I had fish sculptures to look at. Revelstoke, why must you tease me?



Stopped at a gorgeous cafe in Revelstoke instead. It was in a little old house. Amazing food!







I got stuck in Golden for almost an hour due to highway construction (yay) and almost fell asleep in my car, waiting to pass those construction. A special thank you goes to the truck behind me that woke me up and almost made me swallow my tongue out of sheer fear.


And FINALLY, after 12 hours of driving, I arrived in Calgary!!!! Now, off to sleep.

Worst continental breakfast EVER!!!!

by Carmen Cruz

I'm not going to name the motel that I'm staying at, but check out this pic of what they call their 'Continental Break fast'.... seriously?


 

No butter knives, no BUTTER, no cereal, no NADA. So glad I went to breakfast in my pj's. It would have been a shame to dress up (but I DID have someone confuse me for a member of the cleaning staff. Is it because I'm Latina???? Fail). Ah well... hitting Timmy Ho's and back on the road!

Chao Kamloops!

Besos,

CC.

Kamloops. The city of tournaments.

by Carmen Cruz

Just got to Kamloops (it's a bit past midnight).
Check out my sweeeeet motel!

I just discovered a mosquito in my room and now I can't find it. Don't you hate that? I'll be up all night now, waiting to kill the sucker. Die mosquito, DIE!!!! I find it fitting that I'm listening to System of a Down right now (B.Y.O.B. ~ Where the f*ck are youuuuu!!!). The hunt begins.

Enjoy!



Besos,

CC.

**UPDATE! ~ I discovered the mosquito in question in my bathroom sink after my shower. It had drowned itself. Must have heard the System of A Down tune. Enough said.

Bored At Work? Not Anymore!

by Carmen Cruz

Ok. So you're sitting there at work right now, bored out of your skull.
I like to consider myself the connoisseur of 'interesting websites that entertain'. Let's be honest here, you've hit a wall and creativity has reached a low point. I think that by visiting some of these sites, you'll get the inspiration you need to continue your day. So in essence, I'm helping with your productivity, not reducing it... right? Yeah. Let's stick to that.


Here are a few of my favourite sites. LOVE THEM!

Awkward Family Photos ~ The title says it all. Hilarious!  









CRAIGSLIST!!!! ~ Self explanatory. I LOOOOOVE this site. I could surf it for hours. Check out the free section (there's some seriously WEIRD stuff on there sometimes) and more importantly, check out the 'Best of Craigslist' section. It's on the bottom left hand corner area (small writing). There's also 'Craigslist TV'. It's in the same area as the 'Best of Craigslist'. Watch it. You won't be disappointed.
**Random side note: Did you know that this site was created by a dude named... yup! Craig! His name is Craig Newmark and here's a little interview clip about him. Cool.




Damn You Auto Correct ~ We've all had this happen. The auto correct changes an innocent text into a moment of awkwardness and hilarity. Enjoy










 

27bslash6 ~ A cheeky blog written by this sarcastic douchebag in Australia. If you have sarcastic humour, like me, you'll be laughing your ass off. One of my favourite entries is called 'Missing Missy'. I laughed till I cried. Literally. Make sure you click on the 'complain about this page' link on the right hand side of the page. This guy is AWESOME!






Free Arcade ~ If you're more of a 'gamer' (and I use this term loosely. There's no World of Warcraft on this site) then check out this site. I first heard about this site from a few classmates back in my broadcasting school days in Edmonton, Alberta. At NAIT, I was in the RTA (radio & television arts) program (in TV. FUN!) and during our law & ethics class (not so fun) we would play the game Collapse. We'd play for the entire class, trying to beat each others high score. Good times. Great game. **MAKE SURE THE COMPUTER VOLUME IS ON MUTE WHEN YOU HIT THIS SITE**


 

The Onion ~ A Classic! A parody news organization. Be sure to check out the A.V Club section too.


Ok. That's enough time wasting material. Get back to work.




Besos,


CC.

Everybody's talkin' 'bout mmmmm pop music!

by Carmen Cruz

When I say that I'm a music lover, I mean it. I love all types of music, and yes that includes the  sometimes over-processed and overplayed pop tunes.

Besides having an unhealthy love for ABBA, pop is another guilty pleasure of mine.

Here are a few pop picks for the week:


Pitt Bull ft. Neyo - Give Me Everything  ~ Seriously? I looooove Neyo. Love him. Fun song. Don't judge.


Lady Gaga - Born This Way ~ The more I learn about Lady Gaga and her story, the more I like her. Can you believe that this video is over 7 minutes long? It's super weird, but now you can see why the gay boys love her. For the love of Gad, she starts the music video with a shot of a unicorn!!! Either way, great song.



Far East Movement ft Ryan Tedder - Rocketeer ~ Cause it's an awesome song and you know it.


Katy Perry - Firework  ~ Don't judge me! I can feel you judging...     


And now, and oldie but a goodie. Is this pop? Yeah. Kinda. I have no idea why, but the Zoobilee Zoo! theme song and THIS particular tune have been in my head this week. Don't ask me why. Take a listen and just try to NOT sing along! Oh George Harrison... You... Are... Awesome!



Besos,

CC.

Sweet Sounds

by Carmen Cruz

I came across this tiny speaker in Urban Outfitters, and I was sold!                                

You can recharge it with your computer and it hooks up to play your tunes on most MP3 players (AKA: My iPhone, iPod and Shuffle). 

Only about $20!!! Don't get me wrong, it's no Bose, but the sound quality is better than I thought it'd be, and it's perfect for a day at the beach/park, and stuff like that.

You can't tell me it's not completely adorable! Oh, and yes, it comes with the toque (2 actually!).

Besos,

CC.

Wide Mouth Mason ~ New Schtuff!

by Carmen Cruz

I ran into  Shaun Verreault and his gorgeous wife on Granville street the other day. I've been lucky enough to get to know these two through work and there's nothing more awesome that meeting a talented performer who is not only super cool, but also super approachable. I had the chance to hang out with Shaun (and his hottie Mrs.) at the listening party for the new Wide Mouth Mason (WWM) album called 'No Bad Days'. WWM has added the ridiculously talented Gordie Johnson (from Big Sugar) to their musical team. The result? It's a dirty, sexy rock sound interlaced with Gordie's raw bass style and Shauns high and pure vocals. You know what? Me likey. For the story behind the music and a teeny tiny sample of tunage from the upcoming album (due out on July 12th) check out the video below.
Enjoy!

Besos,

CC.

Gross Encounters ~ Confessions of a Germaphobe

by Carmen Cruz

Confessions of a germaphobe.

There's nothing worse than stepping into the shower of your hotel room and coming face to face with... a little black curly hair, stuck to the shower wall. I can guarantee that it's not mine. It's like, how does this little black curly hair stick so well? It's like it's hanging on to the shower wall with tiny claws. I throw water at it. It doesn't move. I throw more water. Nothing. MORE water. Nada. How does it even get stuck so high on the wall? Did Chewbacca come in and whip off his pants and boom! An explosion of pendejos (= pubic hair, in Spanish) explode out into the atmosphere and with some strange, intergalactic mucous, stick to the wall? Gross.   What makes this entire situation extra disgusting is the fact that you KNOW where that hair came from, and you KNOW that it's not yours. All you can hope is that a tall, cherub like, innocent child with a mass of curly black hair was in the hotel room before it was yours. One can only hope.


The following gross encounter took place some time between 10:30pm and 11:30pm

Me: What are YOU doing here?

Pendejo: What are YOU doing here?

Me: I BELONG here.  

Pendejo: So do I.

Me: I've paid for this hotel room. You're not supposed to be here.
                                                                     Pendejo: I can go wherever I want to.

Me: You disgust me. Get out.

Pendejo: MAKE ME!

**Awkward and intense moment of silence and extreme stink eye takes place**

Me: I can't even bring myself to touch you. *gag*

Pendejo: Hahahahahaha!!!

Me: You're lucky this shower doesn't have a detachable shower head, or you'd be history.

Pendejo: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Me: You win this time Pendejo. THIS TIME.

**I awkwardly attempt to shower at the opposite end of the tub, giving the Pendejo the worst cut eye I can**


Needless to say, the hotel cleaning lady got an earful the next day.
And for some reason, every time I think of this situation, that song that Phoebe sang on friends always comes to mind. You know, the one that goes 'I found you laying next to me. How did you get there? To me you're such a mystery, little black curly hair'.

Either way, this gal wore her flip flops in the hotel room, AND in the shower.

Another useless random fact: The remote control in your hotel room is the dirtiest thing in that room (aside from the door handle). Can you imagine running those special blue lights, you know the one that can show any and all human excretions, along a hotel remote? It would most likely glow like a ravers wristband. Ew. I actually put a clear plastic bag over my remote.

And now you know... and knowing is half the battle.

Besos,

CC.

Missed my flight. FACK!!!!

by Carmen Cruz

Those who know me well, know that I can sometimes be *ahem* fashionably late. I blame it on my Chilean heritage. Chileans are almost ALWAYS late. No joke. But today? No, I was NOT late. I was about an hour early for a domestic flight (leaving Calgary and heading back to Vancouver).

I went through security and I was pulled aside and told that Latinas weren't welcome... just kidding! I was told that I had too many liquid products and that they had to all fit in one bag. I had two... but Vancouver airport security didn't have a problem! Calgary... not so much. I was told that I had to toss some things or check my baggage with the airline. At this point, my flight had begun to board. With a trembling lower lip, I went through by bags of products and threw away a pricey facial cleanser, discontinued tube of toothpaste that I LOVE (yup. Nerd), and a tiny bottle of rose water. I'm a beauty junkie, so this was like cutting off a finger (dramatic, but true).

By the time I got back in the line up, I had about another 15 people in front of me. As I got near the front, (one person away actually!) an entire Lufthansa Airline Crew politely said 'excuse me' and cut in front. 6 more people! Since the crew are in and out of the airport regularly, they began to chat with security. I wanted to punch each and every one of them in the throat. In my mind, I think I told them to 'shut the f*ck up and move your f*cking ass' about 100 times. Sadly, the crew took their sweet time and  15 minutes later, they were finally past security. In my mind I was screaming, but my face was as calm as can be.  I've always had super expressive eyes that, despite my facial expression, always give my true feelings away. A security guard looked at me and immediately said 'what's wrong'? I began blubbering 'I'm about to miss my flight and now I'm starting to freak out'!!!!!!... So the guy was kind enough to rush me through (muchas gracias... whoever you are!).

I ran to my gate, just in time to see my plane leave. Now, I sit here.... waiting another 3 hours for my next flight back home to Vancouver. I've never missed a flight before, so this was a scary experience for me.When I called my brother-in-law (Dave) to let him know that I'd be arriving late, he was NOT sympathetic to my frustration/ situation. He was all 'crews ALWAYS have priority in security'. Dave, is a pilot. You know what Dave? Shut your pie hole.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm finished whining now. Thanks for letting me bitch.

Back to surfing my latest addiction (etsy.com) while I wait... and wait... and wait...

Besos,

CC.

Foo Fighters Hot Dog

by Carmen Cruz

Yup. You've read correctly. Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters has his very own hot dog, created by a local hot dog company called Dougie Dog.  Check it out!


I ended up going with the Coney Island hot dog, with homemade chili, sauteed onions, and an offensive amount of ketchup... just the way I like it! :P

Oh! And I also had the chance to try their butterscotch root beer. Holy crap! TO - DIE - FOR! I'm not a fan of pop, but root beet is my weakness. Go try one and tell me what you think.



Besos,

CC.

Buttons!

by Carmen Cruz

On Homer street, just off Cordova, my sister and I came across this sign....



Really? So we walk in and....






Buttons, buttons and MORE buttons! This tiny store carries buttons from all over the world. Yes, both Valeskca and I walked out with purchases of... yup! Buttons. Can't wait to learn to sew so I can actually use them. A bit premature on my part? Yup.
Either way, check out this store. Too cool, and I guarantee that you'll walk out with at least ONE button ;).

Besos,

CC.

Songs of The Week!!!!

by Carmen Cruz

Better late than never, right?

It's been a while, so here are a few of my favourite Songs Of The Week.



Diamond Rings - All Yr Songs
If David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust went all 'hipster' on us, you'd get Diamond Rings (AKA: John O'Regan). This dude is from Toronto and I've been lucky enough to see him live twice. WICKED in concert and a MUST SEE! It's 80's music, appropriately revived. PLUS, this guy has major bolas! He performs by himself with his keyboard, dancing up a storm on stage (just like in the video I posted for ya) and sometimes whipping off his shirt and flaunting his skinny, lanky frame. If you're into that sort of thing, enjoy! Either way, catchy tune with adorable lyrics. Check out his album Special Affections. Lately, he's been touring, opening up for Robyn.






SIA - Be Good To Me
I love Sia. Love her. LOVE!!!! She's one of my absolute favourite artists... ever. Love her voice. Love her lyrics. Love her music. Love her uber weird personality. Check out ALL her music. It's amazing.
I caught the first 20 minutes of her show here in Vancouver, before she was rushed off stage for heat exhaustion. Still waiting to see/hear her live again. Her voice is literally ANGELIC.
I follow her on twitter and I've gotta say, she's... weird.... and interesting! I love her twitter bio " I am sia, i was born from the bumhole of a unicorn named steve".  Enough said.
Another amazing song by Sia is 'Soon We'll Found'. 



Quantic & Nickodemus - Mi Swing Es Tropical
Every time this song comes on my stereo, people ask me who it is. Well now you know. This song was made famous by being featured in an iPod commercial a few years ago. Wicked tune. Perfect for the summer (riding your bike, walking, driving, etc). Every time I hear it, I have to stop myself from dancing (not a good idea to do while in the check out line at Safeway). The music video quality is crap, but it's all about the tune, si?


Violent Femmes - Add it Up
How can you not love these guys? Everyone knows 'Blister in the Sun', but I think this is their best tune.





Missy Elliott - The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)
I've been a huge fan of Missy Elliott since I saw this music video, a looooong time ago. She and Timbaland are an unstoppable team (in my humble opinion). So Missy got all skinny, had some huge musical success and then disappeared. Where are you Missy? We miss you.






Enjoy!

Besos,

CC.

NOT REAL FANS...

by Carmen Cruz

I've never understood the point of rioting. Seriously. Check out this link HERE to watch footage of downtown Vancouver (June 15th, 2011).

LIVE CAMERA NOW UP AND RUNNING. CHECK IT OUT HERE. 

More PATHETIC footage HERE.

Would a TRUE Vancouver Canucks fan trash their beloved city, just because their team lost? Would they flip over cars, light them on fire and burn their jerseys? Jump on police cars? Smash store windows, and help their city become the laughing stock of the NHL? Even CNN is shocked at what's happening right now.

NO! Real fans feel shitty about their team losing, but are proud of the fact that they've managed to get so far in the series. They hang their heads low, but look forward to a better series next year.

**UPDATE** Cops now using TEAR GAS & PEPPER SPRAY to control the rioters. Police K-9 unit being brought in as well. Looting has begun on Granville street and in the Bay downtown. What a joke!


Whatever happened to 'Keeping it Classy'????????                 

Besos,

CC.

**ANOTHER UPDATE ** - Canucks NON-FANS just attacked a guy wearing a Bruins Jersey. Seriously? WTF!!!